I realize that since I grew up being reprimanded for reasoning and questioning our family dysfunction, I learned not to trust my natural sense of discernment. My family would even get so mad at me for questioning our family dysfunction that they would tell me I was imagining things. If that’s not a concoction for future cultism I don’t know what is!! No wonder I went from cult to cult, trying to pass off my bad gut feelings as just my imagination!
I remember for years I had to play dumb around my family so they wouldn’t hate me (they’d never call it that of course)for my insight that threatened our family facade. But over the past few years I’ve been able to lean on God more so that their “hate” no longer hurts (not as much anyway). I’ve had to just submit to their judgment and hatefulness toward me because I realize I can’t ever earn their love or approval. In fact, I don’t care what they feel about me or think of me anymore. If I still tried to please people I would no longer be a servant of the Lord. I’m only concerned now with God’s approval and I know I can’t earn that either. I look for His grace and mercy instead. And I also realize that only God can cause my family to love me biblically. Perhaps God wanted me to be afflicted, so that I would have no choice but to lean on Him. Besides, He has worked it all out for my good!! And I forgave my family!!!
I can truly say with the psalmist David “It is good that I was afflicted, so that I could learn God’s statutes” Psalm 119: 71